The hardest part of breaking up...

...is getting back your stuff. Oh 2ge+her, how we miss all of you. But it's sort of a good segue into this post. I've been debating about writing this post. I've had a few friends ask me if I was going to. And well, this blog is mine, I can do whatever I want, and y'all are my closest friends. So most of you know anyway. By the way, it will jump around a lot. So much has happened and I have so many emotions. If anyone has a bottle of wine they want to share, feel free to come over :)

After a couple of months of tumultuous times and what amounted to a 2-3 week break from the relationship, I broke up with my boyfriend. My friends have been very supportive of what I've been going through and I've listened to their advice, for the most part. Last Friday, I met with a psychiatrist. It was quite an experience meeting with him. On the plus side, he looks like Blake Shelton, so it was nice to look at him. We talked about all my stress right now, any new diagnoses (I'm currently "diagnosed" with depression and anxiety) he thought of while listening to how I've been acting the past few months. The possibility of bipolar disorder came up. It's on the back burner, but it's there. For some reason, all of these metaphors we used had to do with food. I feel so stressed that I feel like I took seconds before even finishing my first plate.

But anyway, getting beyond the food, we spent a good hour + going over everything. We came up with  new game plan on how to deal. I should have gone to someone sooner. I encourage all my friend to go see someone just because it is a very freeing and cathartic experience. I finally listened to myself...shocker. So I had what he and I talked about fresh on my mind and then I went to visit my sister and a high school friend in Wilmington. My friend and I stayed up till almost 3 catching up and talking about everything, including my relationship. I had never told her anything, she doesn't know the guy...it was all new to her. And her reactions were blunt and it hurt to hear, but it's what all my friends had been saying one way or another.

So Saturday night rolls around, and I've been thinking, and I just know it's the right think to do. So I write "the email--My Decision". No, it wasn't impersonal. We had been on radio silence with limited email contact for necessities. And I just let him know that I wasn't happy, I was hurting. I agreed to the break thinking it was the only way to keep him. And I think I deserve better than that. I deserve someone who will love me back as much as I love them. For the record, he's not a bad guy. We were both very much happy and in love at one point in our relationship, but things have been changing. And we're both important people in each others lives. I am not opposed to something in the future, but a lot has to happen. No one knows what the future holds, so we'll see. He has some serious issues he needs to work through. So do I. I realized, and I think he had known, that we couldn't work on ourselves while with each other. Just like when I was writing that email through tears, I'm writing this post through tears too. And my dog isn't here to lick the tears off my face :(

What let me know I made the right decision is the email I got back.  He said he understood and that it wasn't fair for me to hurt. And that right there is what did it for me. He didn't fight for us in that email. I was hoping he would. But he had done his fighting and was done. Things have been okay for me the past couple of days. My friends are all amazing, listening to me as I just let it all out. And my sister and parents have been my rocks through this. It's "only a relationship", but this is the first one I've ever really been in, so it's my first failed relationship, my first break-up...a lot of firsts happened in this relationship. But again, I know this is for the best. There are a lot of emotions still bottled up and maybe in time, I'll be able to write about them. But until then, this has helped.

I am still listening to the sappy music, haven't quite moved on to Destiny's Child "Survivor" yet, but it's on my work out mix now, so we're getting closer. This is time for me to work on myself, to excel in my school life, my professional life and to have time to catch up with all my amazing friends. Yes, this is the end of a very important chapter of my life...or to go back to the metaphor of food, I'm done with this serving for now, wrapped it in aluminum foil and stuck it in the freezer. Only time will tell if this serving is still good in the future. Lame? Perhaps. But I think it fits.


Oh snap, Survivor just came on. :-D