My body...how it aches

Went on a run yesterday for the first time in a loooooo...oong time. Don't know how far, don't know how long. I just had to run out some emotions. I walked some of it, I sprinted some, I took my dog for some of it, it was just good. My quads hated me every time I started running again. And my body hates me today. But in a good way. In a way that says that was a good choice. Why wait till the new year to start. Yesterday was a perfect day to start. And none of this focusing on numbers anymore. Just what feels good and helps me feel better about myself. I deserve goo things but I need to work for them. And we all know I can be stubborn.

Mirrors...

Have you ever looked in a mirror and wondered, "how did I let it get this bad?"  That's definitely how I feel right now. What happened to those days where I lived for the runner's high, the feeling of accomplishment...how did I let it get this bad. If the mirror wasn't incentive enough, add a camera, a scale and dumb boys breaking up with you for the skinny girl.

And I have a awesome friends (that's all of you, plus people too cool for blogger apparently) who try and encourage me (or guilt me in the case of one, ahem, you know who you are). It's the intrinsic motivation that is lacking. And I feel motivated but then I look in that mirror an just can't see nything beyond what I am. And back to the beginning of fear of failure. What's a girl to do? No, seriously, what do I do?

Guess I led myself astray...

(See what I did there. Use the title of my blog, lol)

4th times the charm?

So I ran on Monday. It didn't go so well. But I finished the workout and that's what matters. I did some thinking while I walked the last bit of my workout and I decided there's no need to push myself to run the half in October. I know the shape I'm in, and I'd probably end up hurting myself if I tried to go through with the running plan. As I type this, fresh off another run, my knees are aching. (Ice and Epsom salt bath here I come!).  I decided instead to run the 5-miler at the bull city race fest just so I can be at the event to see my friend finish her half and to train for something.
I started C25K over again. It wasn't too bad but I did have some kinks at the beginning. Turns out at first I didn't repeat Week 1 Day 1 but Week 4 Day 1. It took me longer than I'd like to admit to figure this out. I ended up doing the 5-min warm-up, 3 min run, 1.5 min walk and 2 min run. Which ended up being about 0.85 miles. Not bad. At that point, I knew I wanted to get through workout 1 so I restarted.
My stats aren't too bad considering my "warm-up" was more intense than intended. 2.12 miles in 30 min; 10:39 run pace, 16:24 walk pace. I could not have finished the workout without the bottle of lemon-lime NUUN I had with me. This humidity...be careful when running.
I had time to think about stuff on this long run (ha!) and I have so many questions I want to ask people and see what answers we come up with, like:
What detergent do you use on your workout clothes?
Are you as attached to your shoes as I am? (Funny story...I use Saucony Ride 4 shoes. I had bought a Ride 6, or what I thought were Ride 6, but no, they were the Guide 6. Put them on...couldn't do it. Returned them, got my Ride 6 shoes and all the difference in the world. I'm obsessed with my shoes).
Favorite workout gummy?
Pump-up song?

Those types of things.
Well, my cold bath is calling. Happy running y'all!

Fear

So I haven't written in a few says, after saying I would post more often. I haven't done any training since my last run. I haven't really told anyone, but I did today. This training is reminding me a lot of my last one...yes, I may have finished 4 halfs, it doesn't mean I trained properly.
I'm currently experiencing the same feelings I did the first time around...fear. I'm not sure if it's a fear of failure or a fear of success. But it's gripping me and keeping me from going out on a run. They're not even "real" runs; they're run/walks. There's another problem. How do I not consider myself a real runner yet, after so many years? It's as if I try and undercut myself. I don't know if many runners feel this, or athletes in general.
I have a training plan in place. I have a good support system. Including a great coach down in Atlanta (yes, she's my coach from this far away. Check out her blog; it's good: http://running-on-eb.blogspot.com/). And friends training up here. Who are inspiring since it's their first half.

How do you get out of your own head? What do you think about when running? Especially to keep you going?

Back in the saddle

Per someone's request, I've decided to start blogging again. And hoping this will help me train.

I decided to sign up for a half-marathon. Bull City half in October. It was a manic moment. I recently had a tonsillectomy which didn't allow me to swallow (ha!), which means I wasn't able to/ didn't want to swallow my medication for a few days, which turned into a couple of weeks. Let's just say that wasn't good. I was in a hyper-manic state and on impulse, after talking to friends, signed up, bought shoes and a new sports bra. Let's say I'm back on my meds because I don't think I could handle more decisions like that, haha.

I had my first run today. My first one since 4/27/13. Gees, I didn't realize how long ago it was. Ouch! The tonsillectomy really threw me out of whack, and my lazy attitude. It's time to change that. What a run, and not in the good way. 35 minutes: 3 min run/ 2 min walk. I tried my best every time to run, but it just wasn't happening. Not today. Some God/Bad/Ugly from today:

Good: I got out and ran and finished my 35 minutes. I'm quite proud of that. It also didn't rain. The temps weren't too bad, luckily. And there were some hot guys out running. But they had their shirts on, so chalk that up to bad.

Bad: It didn't rain. I worked up quite a sweat and was wishing for a downpour by the end.
HEARTBURN....bad bad heartburn every time I tried to run.  Have any of you ever experienced heartburn during a race or training? I'm pretty sure it's GERD. Last summer I was told I had some esophageal ulcers, so I'm not supposed to take naproxen or ibuprofen. Well, recovering from my surgery, I couldn't take acetaminophen because that was part of the pain med, so I had to take ibuprofen, and I've kept taking it. I'm pretty sure it's burned through my esophagus right now and it hurts. Any suggestions? As much as I would love to run with Tums, there has to be another option?

Ugly: Hydration...I suck at it. Considering I sweat a lot and it's quite humid, I did not drink nearly enough water or any liquid today. I will be paying for this later. Also, my fingers still look like sausages. I forgot to wear my compression gloves so my hands swelled. It still hurts to straighten them. I really need to figure this out.

If you want to see the stats from my run: http://www.runtastic.com/en/users/monica-j-2/dashboard
I'll update my stats to the right in a bit. I need to go hydrate and eat something.

Happy training everyone!

Take 3?

Oh yes. Take 3 of C25K. I'm currently on Day 2. Day 1 was pretty great. They now break down pace by when you run and walk. My run pace was 9:49 min/mile. Sure, it was only for 8 minutes, but still!! My walk pace, well, let's say I'm working on it :-)
I've been stuck at the same weight for 2 months now. Sitting on my ass all day probably isn't helping. Neither is that delicious box of cookies. But I need to feed my sweet tooth! You don't want to see my sweet tooth angry. Along with starting C25K again, I started up with my trainer. This time, it's just me and him, since the ex is out of the picture. Even though we haven't trained since May, he was impressed with my endurance and keeps increasing weights every session. Had a minor set back with my back, but we're dedicating a fair chunk of my session to strengthening core. I also finally inflated my workout ball so I'm working my core at home now too.
Time to take life a little more seriously. Working out. School work. My menagerie. It's a lot but I can do it!